Im a lazy shit

I spent Sunday evening in quiet reflection while Jo was sleeping off her flu and realised something. I'm a lazy bugger. I think it's because i'm in my comfort zone. It's Newton's law of inertia that's come to bear...a body at rest tends to stay at rest. I need an external force to nudge me to get me moving again.

I need to do something different. I need to challenge myself...do something different...like skydive or peeing into the wind on a mountain side or something funky.

I just need to get off my lazy arse and start getting the mind working again. I think i'll start studying again.

Petit Chateau Patisserie

http://www.pchateau.com/Products.html

Check out my friend's cakes!

Today i feel more Linkin Park-ish.

What's your mood today?

Have you ever just sat and listened to the lyrics of some songs and then think how aptly it describes your current situation? Then you listen more and feel better because you think you're not the only person in a blue funk?

I think music is an incredible thing. I love how you react to certain songs at a particular moment in time depending on your mood. A picture may paint a thousand words but no amount of words can describe emotions as well as music can...

I'm feeling very Fall For You (Secondhand Serenade) today.

My Dinner Made Me Guilty

I had a super dinner last night
Complete with some fine wine.
Peter went to bed hungry
Because a job he could not find.

I started with a large plate of soup
And a salad with crab meat.
John and his family were so poor
They ate the scabs off their feet.

Then came my main course
A steak done medium rare.
Mark sat around an empty table
For days, his cupboards bare.

For dessert I had ice cream
Together with a lucious chocolate cake.
Martha and her husband couldn't even afford
To buy any flour to bake.

These people will still be hungry tomorrow
I didn't think of them when i paid my bill.
But what i alone had eaten that night
All their stomachs i could fill...

dgsdagds

Whatever people think of you is none of your business.

The Word

There're a very limited few words in the english vocabulary that can describe as much as the word fuck. I think there was an article written on this before so i hope i'm not plagiarizing.

Yesterday i was at the bar with a few friends watching the ManU-Birmingham game. One of them commented that Arse had beaten Everton 6-1 the night before. Not Arse fans, we naturally went "yea...we heard that score...oh fuck..." More like in resignation...

Subsequently after the game started, Birmingham nearly scored in the early stages and the non-manure fans around us went "OH FUCK!! How did that stay out???" It was in disbelief.

Then a minute later, manure nearly scored and we went "Oh fuck! That was a bit of luck!" This was in relief.

But then, the inevitable happened...manure scored..."OH FUCK!! I can't believe that went in like that!!" This time in anguish.

Then towards the end of the game, Birmingham nearly scored again so..."OH FUCK!! The keeper actually got a glove to that!!" In amazement.

This morning...I found out that Liverpool lost. "OH FUCK!! THEY LOST?!??" Bewilderment.

Then i read Rafa's comments that there should have been a penalty at the end. "Oh fuck...there he goes again with his excuses." Indignation.

And i do believe that this word is understood all over the world.

In Thailand while shopping "HOW MUCH?!? ARE YOU FUCKING CHEATING ME???"

In Egypt while on the streets "Stop harrassing me!! Fuck off!"

In Vietnam while learning how to cross the road from the locals "Whoa?? i have to do that?? Oh fuck..."

In England in a pub "Another pint?? Fuck yea!! Bring it on."

In America "Singapore is not in China you dumb fuck!"

In Iraq "Fuuuuuuuuck...incoming!!!!"

In Japan while enjoying sashimi "Aaaah fuck...this is nice." (also can be used in Thailand....)

So if ever you need to teach english to a foreign friend, this would be The Word to teach first. No single word can express itself so eloquently in so many forms.

Here's wishing you two a fucking great day. Hope none of those fuckers come bothering you today but if they do, i hope you fuck them up real good.

Time and Kids

Ever felt like time has just evaporated? In the blink of an eye, another month is over. So much time has passed, so many things have changed and yet nothing has changed. I'm still sitting here as i have been for the past year. I've still got my old laptop, wearing the same clothes, staying in the same house, driving the same car, eating the same food. And yet...1 year has passed.

Adults used to tell me when i was a kid that i had to know where i wanted to go to in life. I had to chart my course. But of course i was too young to understand that. Even now, i find it difficult to know where i want to be in 5 or 10 years time. Shit, i dont even know where i want to go at 6pm later.

Don't you miss being a kid? It's funny how a kid wants to be a grown up...but when you're an adult, you yearn to be a kid. The grass is greener on the other side blah blah. I miss being a kid. I hated exams and homework and getting up at 6 in the morning that sort of thing but i still miss being a kid. Fun times...

ADFGAFAW

Yea...don't know what to put in the tite again...so i just decided to randomize it.

I got a comment from you in the previous post but i have no idea how to reply to that (my childhood days were spent catching grasshoppers and pouring salt on snails). Anyway i wanted to say that as far as i know, only the 2 of you are reading all this drivel that i'm putting up so everytime i mention 2 girls, you know who you are.

I'm hooked on this new PS3 game that i bought. And happily, Jo's discovered a website where she can watch all the korean serials she wants on her laptop. This is very very good because (a) I can play my game without Jo dancing in front of the TV. (b) i can play my game without Jo complaining that she's bored. (c) i can play my game without Jo trying to cover my eyes every 3 secs. (d) i can play my game without Jo blowing into my ear every 2 secs. (e) i can play my game without Jo asking me what I'm doing every 1 sec. (f) i can play my game without Jo using her teddy bear to tickle my nose. (g) We can delay buying a 2nd TV for the bedroom (save money)! But the late nights are getting to me...i'm now constantly tired in the day and the many cups of coffee aren't helping. I think i need to take it easy for a while. I'll start again tomorrow. Anyway i promised to go shopping with Jo tonight.

It's 5.40pm. Is it my clock or does the aircon no longer shut down at 6? It seems to shut down a little later everyday now...is it our management's sneaky way of getting us to work longer? By adding 1/2 min everyday, it'll be about 180 mins at the end of the year...so at this rate, one day we'll all be working till 9 and not even know it...cheeky bastards!

But in line with this devilish management plan, I've just had an idea...what if we move some schmuck's cubicle wall in by a little bit everyday? We keep making it smaller and smaller day by day until one day his arse gets stuck. The brilliant thing is if we do it gradual enough, he'll probably not notice at all. Great huh?!?

KL and the fooseball table

It's been a long time since i came here. Nearly forgot about this to be honest. There were tons of times when things happened that i really wanted to write about but have always been too damn lazy to get off my arse and get going. In fact, it took incredible will power to start this again but i realise that once i start, i really do enjoy this.

It's 7pm and i'm still here because Jo's still at work and i dont want to go to Millenia Walk and just do nothing. Oh sure there're loads of shops and other crap there but i don't shop. I usually end up waiting for her at the "shirt shop". I've stood in front of that shop countless times for countless hours and i still can't remember the name of the place. Aston something or other i think. I'll make it a point to remember this later when i take up my usual spot beside the poofy looking model on the poster.

We got a fooseball table in the office. Yea i know you 2 girls have talked about it already and i'm only just beginning. I'm sooo behind fashion aren't i? But the fooseball table has been a good source of entertainment and the harbringer of many late nights. Evil thing! I honestly cannot believe that i have spent hours after work playing that...but it is good fun. Michael is an absolute magician with those sticks. It is simply amazing the sort of things that he can make 11 men stuck together by the waist do. A pass here, a feint there, a shot from the centre striker, back pass, round the outside, shot from the left striker...it's just dazzling and his moves are just so quick and varied. You can never tell what he's going to do next which makes it all the more challenging when you defend against him.

I was in KL over the weekend and i still cannot get over how thoroughly disorganized that place can be. There was an overhead bridge that got cut in half by a railway track so it looked like this...---l---. I stared at it for a pretty long time wondering if that happened because the track simply had to pass through that route or by some manner of gross misjudgment, the builders just made it so and rather than spend money tearing it down again, decided to leave it as a landmark for tourists.

Yet amid all that higgledy piggledy mess, it was fun and lao jiat. People talking all sorts of languages from all sides. Grimy, sweaty bodies pushing you also from all sides. Motorbikes threatening to run you over even on the sidewalks, cars who don't seem to bother about red lights. Even the green man that tells you it's your turn to cross the road is running. I think the planners really know what they were doing when they decided to make the green man run instead of like our local green man which just doesnt seem to do shit except simulate walking. I had a good laugh at the running green man.

We had breakfast on Saturday in this quaint little coffeeshop in Brickfields which was just opposite our hotel in KL Sentral. I could see the place from my room although it took nearly 20 mins to walk there courtesy of a construction site right smack in between our origin and destination causing us to make a bigass detour. Food was awesome! I had a char kway teow and it had the right mix of MSG, sweat, rat poop, oil, ghee and nose shit. It even came with tiny shrimps and some egg. Naturally i forgot to tell them moi haam and it came with 7 of them...still red and raw. The coffee was also out of this world...dark, thick and damn sweet!

After that, we had a little walk around the area. The shops were beginning to open. The dentist beside the coffeeshop was opening his shutters...Doktor Gigi his sign said. I love their spelling. Yes, it is in malay but i love the way they spell it so it sounds english. In fact, i'm going to attempt finishing the rest of this post in Malglish. So fun!

Anyway...the purpose of our trip was to visit Jo's kousin who was celebrating her birthday. So we had lunch with her and the rest of the family at this hotel in the city. It was a dim sum lunch and again the food was quite stunning. We had 3 tables and i think her kousin must have ordered everything possible from the kitchen because the tables were, quite literally, overflowing with food. But because everything was so good, i didnt even know i was full until after that when i felt quite sick. Although i think the whisky we had didnt really help matters much.

After lunch, we went to the new mall for a walk. Pavillion, it's called. Spanking new place with your big brand shops. They were having some mega sale so everything was like 70% off. Naturally i got bored the instant we stepped into the mall and entertained myself by stoning everytime jo went to try something.

Dinner was at Green View Restoran in Petaling Jaya. Once again, we had top nosh. The winner was the tai haa sang meen. Some really monster prawn in krispy noodle with gravy. But the dish alone for 11 of us kost a whooping RM$200. I thought it was a bit overpriced konsidering that it was just 6 prawns (kut in half to become 12...bloody cheats...), noodles and gravy. But kost aside, it was a good dinner. After that, another kousin brought us to a nearby pub for a bit of a drink. This kousin is in the beverage industry and his kompany has got some shares in the pub so the range of beers there is quite outstanding. He was quite free in ordering and by the time we were done, i think we did nearly 50 bottles (i shit you not) and only 6 of us were drinking. Needless to say, i slept very well that night.

All in all...a very good weekend. Wonder where we can go to next. I'm can't wait already...

For the brow-beaten and the down-trodden.

If you don't feel Pain, how will you know Bliss?
If you don't feel Sorrow, how will you know Happiness?
If you don't feel Anguish, how will you know Delight?
If you don't feel Grief, how will you know Joy?

There are 2 sides to every story. The old cliche of the half empty glass is overused sometimes but it holds true. Is your glass half full or half empty?

Everything you go through is an experience...the pain, the sorrow, the anguish and the grief. But it is through these experiences that you become the person you are. You grow because of these and you are a lesser person without these. Imagine your experiences as a drop of water in the ocean. Insignificant though that drop may be, but the ocean will still be lesser because of that one drop.

So don't despair everytime something happens, rather, choose to look at what you can gain from it. And remember, if you think you're getting smacked with a kilo of shit, somewhere out there, some poor sod is getting rained on by a ton of shit. I leave you with this poem that i have no doubt you probably read a zillion times before from somewhere else...

DON'T YOU QUIT
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

MacAliens from a parallel universe

I think i've got them figured out. Macdonalds that is. I've got them all figured out. They're from a parallel universe and somehow, in their effort to expand, probably got sucked into a black hole and landed on earth. Over time, they have evolved and have learnt to assimilate into our human culture. They even look human now...the only give-away...? The language that they speak...

Last weekend, Jo and I decided to have dinner at Macdonalds considering that we hadn't eaten there in eons. i walked in and ordered a MacChicken value meal upsize without the dressing and a box of BBQ sauce for the chips.

The guy at the counter looked perplexed.

Without dressing? he asked.

Yep, i replied, no dressing please.

He gave me a blank look. Then i gave him a blank look.

Er...said i...no dressing. You know, the lettuce in the burger? I dont want that.

*Blank Look* again

I was losing my patience and tried again. "Yea you know, the MacLettuce in the middle of the MacChicken? Between the MacBuns? The MacSalad dressing? I don't want that."

Believe it or not...Success!! I had decoded their language!

Then MacCashier MacDude asked me...you want to upsize?

I wanted to grab the MacStraws beside me and jam them up his seriously large MacNostrils!

"Yes...i want to MacUpsize my MacValue MacMeal!" i told him. "And i want some MacBBQ sauce for my MacFries please?"

And my order came out MacPerfect...MacFucking hell!

I like these...part 2

SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day On the fly?
When you ask "How are you?"
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time To call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music Before the song is over.

Unknown Title
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Gone but Not Forgotten
(dedicated to someone we'll always be missing...)
You were so full of life,
Always smiling and carefree,
Life loved you being a part of it,
And I loved you being a part of me.
You could make anyone laugh,
If they were having a bad day,
No matter how sad I was,
You could take the hurt away.
Nothing could every stop you,
Or even make you fall,
You were ready to take on the world,
Ready to do it all.
But God decided he needed you,
So from this world you left,
But you took a piece of all of us,
Our hearts are what you kept.
Your seat is now empty,
And it's hard not to see your face,
But please always know this,
No one will ever take your place.
You left without a warning,
Not even saying good-bye,
And I can't seem to stop,
Asking the question why?
Nothing will ever be the same,
The halls are empty without your laughter,
But I know you're in Heaven,
Watching over us and looking after.
I didn't see this coming,
It hit me by surprise,
And when you left this world,
A small part of me died.
Your smile could brighten anyone's day,
No matter what they were going through,
And I know everyday for the rest of my life,
I'll be missing you.

Empathy? Or just a cold fish?

Jo and I had this little debate yesterday. Can you genuinely feel someone else's pain? What does it mean when you say "I can imagine the pain he's going through."

Can you really feel a person's pain? I can't. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of a mother who has to bury her own daughter. Pain enough for a mother to to cry tearless. Pain enough for a mother to collaspe into a heap. I have never felt pain like that. Going by logic, if i have never experienced such pain, can i even imagine what it feels like?

Similarly putting this into a more physical aspect. Girls have never had their nuts kicked in by a football. Are they then qualified to tell the guy moaning and rolling around in the grass "Dude. I know the pain you're going through and it's no big deal. Stand up and stop crying."

Or how about Manny Pacman flattening Hatton Hitman with one punch? Can you feel that?

Maybe I'm just indifferent. Or maybe i'm saying it as it is...

I love these...part 1

The Little Man Who Wasn't There
Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
Oh, how I wish he'd go away...

I'm Free
Don't grieve for me now,Im Free,
I am following the path God laid for me
I took his hand when I heard him call,
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,to laugh,to love,to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way,
I found that peace of close of day.
If My parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered Joy.
A friendship shared,a laugh,a kiss,ah yes these things I too will miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow,
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My lifes been full,I savored much:
Good times,good friends,a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all to brief:
Dont lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and share with me,
God wanted me now,He set me Free.

I saw a peacock with a fiery tail
(this can be so different if i had punctuated it another way!!)
I saw a peacock with a fiery tail,
I saw a blazing comet drop down hail,
I saw a cloud wrapped with ivy round,I
saw an oak creep upon the ground,
I saw a pismire swallow up a whale,
I saw the sea brimful of ale,
I saw a Venice glass full fifteen feet deep,
I saw a well full of men's tears that weep,
I saw red eyes all of a flaming fire,
I saw a house bigger than the moon and higher,
I saw the sun at twelve o'clock at night,
I saw the man that saw this wondrous sight.

I bought my first ever phone!!

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a tribal member from the jungles of Brazil. I have owned phones since i was 21 when it was more of a fashion statement than a tool (how a black solid rectangular cubiod object that was the size of the Empire State building and weighed twice as much was a fashion statement then, i have no idea...but then again, bloomers were in too). It's just that i had always been given phones for birthdays or hand-me-downs from my tech-savy brother.

But after many years...i have taken the plunge and invested in my first ever mobile phone! A Nokia! I feel a surge of power corsing through my veins everytime i hold that phone (shit i had a deprived childhood!).

Ladies and gentlemen, I am now in possession of a state of the art piece of equipment that is capable of causing worldwide mayhem but i have no frigging idea how to use it apart from making phone calls and sending SMSes.

There is an online manual that is accessible through the phone. The salesperson told me that. That's bloody awesome! But how the hell am i supposed to find it when i only know how to make phone calls??

Oh wait...of course...since i already know how to make phone calls, let's call for support! Er...hang on...how do i navigate the different pages when the phone is glued to my ear as I'm speaking with the support person?

Nevermind...i'm innovative and how hard can it be right to find the different functions in a phone? So i start plugging away...pressing buttons...playing with the menu...clicking everything that looks colourful and can move. And then the screen goes completely blank and the phone dies on me.

Right...i forgot...i have to charge it for 8 hours first. Small matter. Let's charge the phone. Charger goes to my wall socket. Loose end goes into my phone. Er...where? There're more holes in the phone than there are in a hormone enraged teenager's pimpled face. Which hole do i fucking stick the damn thing into?? After a few misattempts poking around, i finally found the right spot and stuck it right in (deliberately worded it to make it sound like a B grade porn script). My new baby was finally getting the juiced up and i was satisfied at last.

I found the manual booklet in the box and started reading that! And i wish i hadnt started. The phone is more complex than i thought. How on earth did they ever fit so much shit into something smaller than postage stamp? So if what i'm reading is correct, i can now surf the net, listen to Craig David, email one of you, chat with the other one on MSN, control NASA's satellites so that i can view ESPN more clearly and set off some fireworks on the other side of the universe all at once.

Fucking brilliant!!

The Toilet Dilemma

I'm in a quandary over a toilet seat. Over the weekend i was taking a crap and all of a sudden had a flashback over an episode i had a few years back in Melbourne during the winter.

The morning was cold and dark when i woke up one day and had this urge to pee (as a side note to all you 2 girls out there reading this, guys do suffer from this syndrome which i would like to call the Rock Hard Mornings Syndrome (RHMS). Without going into too much details and graphics, i think it would suffice to say that it involves peeing and stiffness). Anyway i had RHMS as always but proceeded to pee without too much thought. But then immediately after that particular bodily activity, the call to take a crap came and I instinctively lowered the seat, dropped my pants, did a 180 degree turn and sat. That was when i let out this almighty scream and would have jumped off the damn seat had my ass not been frozen solid to the toilet.

Fast forward 12 hours. I would spend the night at my buddy's place. He's married and his place is beautifully decorated with nice scented dried flowers sprinkled around the place. Nice clean floors...obvious woman's touch.

In the bathroom, they've got a tiny plant at the corner, nice branded perfumes and soaps and a red fuzzy on the toilet seat.

Well, i needed to take a crap that night and sat on the fuzzy and felt like a king. The fuzzy kept the seat nice and warm and well...kinda tickled making the entire experience more interesting.

The next morning, I had to pee again and dragged my RHMSed self to the toilet where i proceeded to put the seat up. BUT midway through that, the damn fuzzy suddenly starts to uncompress and slams down HARD and damn near takes my wee off with it! Now i was in a state of shock at my near death experience. Not only did i nearly lose my very reason for being male, i now had pee all over their damn red fuzzy! And since the only guys in the house are my married buddy and 4 of us guy visitors, i thought i would conveniently just lay the blame on one of the others...but unfortunately, when i went out, they were all having breakfast already...no way to escape this one.

His wife went nearly the same shade of red as the fuzzy when I confessed and thereupon launched into the benefits of sitting and peeing. I gently explained to her that guys could not and would not pee for 2 very simple reasons. One. It was our God given right to be able to pee standing up. We were given an instrument for a reason and we sure as hell were going to make full use of it. Second, even if I had sat down with RHMS, there was no way i was going to be able to fit under the cover anyway, short of breaking it in half (i kinda regret adding that part in because she looked like she would have gladly snapped it off for me).

So how about holding it while i was peeing then? She asked. Well, i replied, i would have if i knew in the first place the damn fuzzy was gunning out for me. How was i supposed to know it would uncoil at the most unfortunate moment?

Anyway, at the end of our holiday, i made a trip down to Target and got them an identical red fuzzy to replace the one i messed up...

Being in Sunny Singapore, we are fortunate never to have to make such a choice of whether or not to have one of those fuzzies. But it still begs the question: Fuzzies. Bane or boon?

Tougher than i thought

In the time it took me to find a name for this blog, I could have flown to Maine, had a lobster and come back! It's amazing how many people blog and I'm just starting out.

So the reason for starting this is to waste time. Kat has kindly volunteered to help me advertise the existence of this page so I want to say thanks...I think. When you guys (yes...all 2 of you) start reading this, i have a nagging suspicion that my reputation will just bomb.

So what do I write about? I don't know. I'm just typing the first thing that comes to my head.

Write about my feelings? Well at this very moment, i just want to put my head down and take a good snooze. It's raining like blazes outside and the rythmic beating of the rain is akin to a lullaby...

Write about my life experiences? I'm not that old to write a biography. And the earliest memory I have of me is barfing up some liquidy chunky goo. Not sure who wants to read about that. Although i believe i can write up a pretty good description of that.

Kat says i have to update this regularly...sure for the next 10 mins i will just keep updating the latest happenings. Stay tuned to my very exciting life in the office.